Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Dignity? What Dignity?

This (Wednesday) morning began as though I was starring in a poorly written sitcom. The kind of show that you anticipate all that could go wrong, will go wrong. I felt all that was missing was bad background music and a laugh track.

As I have written about before, apartment living does not really offer any real privacy. Even with the lack of privacy, my husband and I have decided to extend our lease for another term. One of the perks of staying at our current place is that we get to have our carpet cleaned for free, and it needs it! Between my clumsiness and a toddler that carries a sippy cup around with her everywhere, our carpet looks like one big connect-the-dots page. My husband let me know on Tuesday that he had booked the cleaners to come on Thursday morning and to expect them anytime between eight and noon.

When the doorbell rang at 8:45 this morning, I chose to ignore it. I figured the FEDEX or the UPS guy got an early start or something. I continued to fold laundry in my pj's as Lainey jumped on the couch in only her undies while watching her morning show. With the second ring of the doorbell, I put on my robe (cause in every sitcom people always have on robes over their pajamas) and answer the door. As I am sure you have guessed, the carpet cleaners have showed up a day early. They have already hooked up to the water main and have all their equipment sitting in front of my door which is located at the top of fifteen stairs on the second floor. After explaining to them their error, I allow them to proceed if they would help me move some of my furniture out of the way.

As the two guys, one a eighteen-year-old kid (we will call him Sam) and the other in his forties (he will be Jack), began to move my kitchen chairs, I grabbed the load of laundry I had been folding and throw it in on my bed. Upon my return, I notice that the one item remaining on the kitchen table from the load of laundry is a pair of my underwear. I go to retrieve my undies at the very same time that Jack approaches to clear a couple of vases from the table. Slightly embarrassed I walk back to my room to put away my intimate item and make sure everything is off the floor in there. As I was putting the fan and laundry basket into our bathroom, Sam entered the room to lay down the cleaning hose beside the bed. He bends over as if to pick something up, but instead stands back up and quickly walks out of the room. <insert quizzical music here> Finding his behavior a bit odd, I walked over to the side of the bed where Sam had been standing  and instantly wished I could be anyone else at that moment. Lying on the floor was an empty wrapper boldly adorned by a face resembling USC's mascot! <Cue laugh track> I tossed the wrapper in the trash, along with my last shred of dignity. I can only imagine the conversation between Sam and Jack on their way to the next job, about my grannie panties and my current form of birth control. I'm guessing those things were not the best part of their day either.

Hopefully this morning's sitcom never has a rerun!