Tuesday, October 4, 2011

We now return you back to regular programing

I am in "post gala planning" rehab, and the detox is feeling fabulous! The Fabric of Freedom Gala was fantastic and our generous guests raised a tremendous amount of money for International Princess Project and the women they support. It was a truly touching and spectacular night, but I am glad to be on this side of it.

The days following the gala I took several naps to catch up on some much needed sleep. Come to find out I may get a little cranky with lack of sleep. Surprising I know! After sleep deprivation subsided, desire to get my life back in some order cranked into full gear. Ten loads of laundry, the carpet guy (who did remember us!) out to clean our nasty carpets, and the car detailed due to a sippy cup failure and nasty milk stink permeating our SUV... life started to feel normal again! I even got to do some personal grooming like coloring my hair and getting a manicure/pedicure. Ahhh...normalcy!

It has also felt great to start connecting again with girlfriends! There is just something about girl time that is just so refreshing. It's fun when the connection involves a play date with the kiddos, but a few precious hours alone catching up with your best friend can keep insanity at bay for quite a while longer. I took for granted the healing powers of coffee and chit chat during those "pre-mom" years!

My insecurity is trying to rear it's ugly head as I have been having fun generating some new relationships with girls gals ladies women that I am excited to get to know better. [at a total loss of what my age group of females should be referred to right now! Girls = too young. Gals = I'm not southern enough to pull that off. Ladies = Too formal. Women = Is that the right category?] I made a last minute call to a new friend of mine to see if she wanted to rendezvous at a park with the kids since I was in her area. She was about to meet up with another mom and kids and invited me to join.

Both women coming to the park I really like and want to know better so was stoked to be able to get a few hours with them to catch up and learn more about them. It was a fun afternoon chatting and watching the kids play. We had been connecting over similar experiences with children and life changes, until I decide to be the annoying mom that makes a comment that I ALWAYS HATE TO RECEIVE! As soon as the comment came out of my mouth I wanted to somehow swallow the words back up in hopes they would go unheard. I have complained here before about the lovely strangers who want to inject an unhelpful comment when you are intentionally choosing to ignore a behavior that your child is partaking in because said child knows how to express themselves in a more productive way. Somehow I morphed into that unhelpful person with the, "Honey, are you okay?" comment to the child who was in the midst of a behavior my friend was being intentional about not responding to. My friend was gracious with me (she didn't roll her eyes at me, or anything! I think she will be a good influence on me of how to kindly handle meddlesome mothers) and continued on with the topic at hand like nothing annoying had just transpired.

The ugly head of insecurity has been yelling at me the past day and a half. It is screaming at me that I am not good enough, cool enough, creative enough. Why is it that something so small can create such a huge ugly monster? Why does one 5 second moment cancel out hours of fun and positive time together?

Well I have decided today to stop listening to the screaming because my rehab/detox up until that mini moment had been great. And today is a new day and it is finally feeling like fall here in Southern California. I got to wear boots and put my girls in sweaters and socks!
I'm so thankful that life feels back to normal. Even my foot in mouth moment is more my norm than I care to admit. How I have any long standing friends is a testament to the gracious women I am surrounded with. With the holidays ahead of us I am looking forward to time with those I love doing cheesy things that will make them groan, but will be fun memories for us all!

I feel rehabilitated!

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